The best advice I ever received
The best advice I ever received
I moved around a lot as a child and learned that the best way to make friends is not to attend events, but help plan them. I joined the Michigan Alumni Club of San Francisco in 2009 for selfish reasons - I was new to San Francisco and needed friends.
I loved being part of the club because it almost made me feel like I was back in Ann Arbor. We watch football games together, planned events for admitted students, and even flew in meals from Ann Arbor for some of our events.
I loved the club so much that I decided to run for president, and won the seat a couple years later. The San Francisco Bay Area has roughly 15,000 Michigan alums, and is an important city for the Alumni Association. I was so focused on becoming the leader of the club, that once I had the opportunity, I felt completely under prepared.
There was an important decision that had to be made after the first meeting, and I felt paralyzed by the moment because I didn’t know what to do. I turned to Dave Shewmake for advice. Dave led the club many years ago and was someone I considered my mentor. I expected to go through the pros and cons of each choice with him and for him to guide me in making the right choice.
Instead, Dave looked at me seriously and said, “Daniel, you will make the right choice. And whatever choice you make, I’ve got your back.” Then Dave gave me a warm smile.
“No matter what you decide, I’ve got your back.”
— Daniel 👋🏼 (@profdlee) August 25, 2020
The most powerful advice I received from a mentor wasn’t actually advice, but it was everything I needed at the moment: confidence
It would have been easy for Dave to just tell me what to do or share some of his thoughts. Instead, he knew that what I needed at the moment was not advice, but rather confidence to make my own decisions.
I made plenty of mistakes during my tenure as president, but those mistakes are exactly why I treasure those years. I learned to make decisions without being paralyzed, not because I knew they were the right ones but because I had the confidence to be okay if I was wrong.
Some decisions require more time than others, and the key to allocating an appropriate amount of time is to understand the gravity of each decision and whether that decision is reversible or irreversible. Then make a choice, learn from it whether it was the “right” choice or not, and apply that lesson to future decisions to make decisions. This feedback loop is what’s most important, not the ability to make the right decision the first time. The real mistake is the inability to make a choice at the fear of being wrong.
I carry Dave’s lesson of letting someone make their own decisions by building their confidence and having their back, everywhere I go.
I mentor colleagues at work and they often ask me technical questions. I find that they usually know the answer, but they just don’t have the confidence to say it. Rather than answering their question, I ask them questions to make them say it themselves. That seems to not only build confidence, but help them retain that knowledge better.
Rather than “teaching” my students, I try to have them teach each other through student presentations. By preparing to teach others, they teach themselves. The realization that they can deeply understand one topic, often better than anyone else in the class, is all the confidence they need master every other topic.
Investing and saving is just as much, if not more, behavioral than technical. Rather than telling my clients what to do, I provide the information they need and become a sounding board for their thoughts. After 30 minutes of active listening, clients often answer their own question.
Dave passed away in 2013 after fighting an illness for many years but I remember the warmth of his advice like it was yesterday.
Dave and I at a Michigan Alumni event with Charles Woodson in 2010.
